The Thing I Decided About Her

She made the decision in the first month, and it took about four seconds, and she has been living inside it ever since.

New neighbor. They passed on the walkway. Our woman smiled and said something about the weather, and the other one gave a short nod, no smile, and kept walking with her phone against her ear.

That was it. That was the whole encounter, and out of it came a sentence that has governed four years: she is not interested.

Everything since has been read through it. The times she has not looked up have been proof. The music at night has been proof. The fact that she has never once knocked has been proof. Our woman has built a fairly detailed picture of a neighbor who wants nothing to do with her, and every brick in it came from that one nod on a walkway in the first month.

And last week something small happened that has knocked it. She saw her at the bus stop, sitting, not on the phone, and she looked, for about two seconds, absolutely exhausted. Not cold. Just done in.

That is your walkway. That is your four seconds. And I want to talk about the picture you have built, because it is very well constructed and it may be made of almost nothing.

We are working from the outside

God says something to a prophet in the middle of a job interview, and it is the plainest thing in Scripture about how badly we read each other.

For the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.1 Samuel 16:7

Samuel is a prophet. He is not a shallow man, and he is not being told off for being unkind. He is being told that his equipment is limited: he can see the outside, that is all he has, and it is not sufficient for the conclusion he was about to draw.

You have been reading with the only equipment you have. Not maliciously. Not because you are a judgemental woman. The written word says this is simply what human sight does, and the Holy Spirit is the One who makes that a relief in a woman on a walkway rather than an accusation she has to defend.

Now look at what your evidence actually consists of.

One nod, without a smile, from a woman on a phone in her first month somewhere new. That is your foundation. Everything after it was interpretation, and interpretation always finds what it is looking for: not looking up became coldness rather than tiredness, and never knocking became rejection rather than the same shyness you have.

You are not obliged to keep believing something you never tested. Man looketh on the outward appearance, and outward appearance is exactly what a nod on a walkway is. The Holy Spirit is not asking you to feel guilty about a four-second read. He is offering to let you put it down.

And there is the bus stop, which is the reason you are reading this.

You saw two seconds of a woman with no face on, and it did not match the picture at all. That is worth taking seriously, because tiredness explains almost everything you have collected. A person who is exhausted does not look up. A person who is exhausted plays music at night because the flat is too quiet. A person who is exhausted does not knock on a stranger's door.

You are free to hold a different possibility now. The written word puts the heart out of your reach and in God's, which frees you from having to be right about her before you can be kind to her. The Holy Spirit gives that freedom today, and it costs you nothing to hold it.